Thought this was definitely worth stealing when I saw it.
1. Go to www.google.com
2. Click on maps
3. Click on get directions
4. Go from "new york" to "paris, france"
5. Scroll down in the directions to number 24 and read
6. Laugh
Showing posts with label Comedy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Comedy. Show all posts
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Utter Utter Somethings
Just Guybo and myself in the office today, which is a recipe for two things; entertainment and disaster (generally in some kind of combination) First half of the day went well if not, perhaps, productive. Then we left for Youth Cafe and the fun began.
First; we missed the bus.
Second; sitting at the bus stop I managed to lean on my glasses and pop one of the lenses out.
Third; I found the screw and pulled out my little knife/tool thingo to put it back in but just as I went to insert the tiniest screw on earth I slipped and lost it in the dirt on the side of the road. Several minutes of Guy and I scratching about like chickens, me with the lens squinched in my eye like a monocle, produced nothing even when we enlisted the aid of a girl at the bus stop (who picked my accent as aussie, well happy with that as I've been told I'm losing it)
Fourth; realise about two minutes after getting on the bus that we left the cushion covers for the couch at the office.
Fifth; get a call from Guy whilst sitting in the Optometrist waiting to have my glasses fixed informing me that he thinks he has left the key to the cafe in the office in Haddenham.
Sixth; Optometrist informs me that my glasses are buggered as the screw was not loose but rather there is a crack in the frame. He managed to fix it so that it will stay for a bit but if it goes again its stuffed.
Seventh; get to cafe and find Guy standing outside talking to Charlie. Briefly consider taking her and Guy down the pub and sitting out in the beer garden for the rest of the afternoon, rehearse my explanation to Wendy and Mal when they ask why Charlies irate parents are calling them about the youth workers who took their daughter to the pub and dismiss this course of action despite the temptation to do it for the sheer comedy value.
Eighth; boost Guy over the fence when we realise that we don't need a key once we're past the spiked gate, just the security code to the door. Once inside realise that in order to set anything up we need the key to the cupboard which we don't have and that the cushion covers for the sofa are also in the office in Haddenham. Decide to sit up top drinking tea, playing Hackey and chatting.
Ninth; Guy decides to teach us to sing. Charlie, it turns out, can sing like a nightingale. I, on the other hand, can't. The singing lessons get better and better as we go and end up replacing all the words to This Little Light of Mine with "moo". Guy informs us both that we both can sing very well despite our protests to the contrary.
Tenth; Charlie leaves and Guy looks at me with and says "Do you want the good news or the bad news?" Same thing he asked me when he called me in the optometrist. Bad news first. He pulls out the cafe keys and informs me he found them in his pocket about halfway through our singing lesson but didn't have the heart to tell me, and besides our singing lesson was going so well.
We had an entertaining chat, that involved a v comic discussion of the "take Charlie to the pub idea" (which incidently had crossed his mind as well) and the ensuing explanation, in his version Charlie had had twelve triple vodkas and was in hospital having her stomach pumped whilst we explained who we were, where we were from, and who precisely was responsible for our actions to Charlies parents. Before we parted for the day and headed for home thanking God that he works through our weakness and not through our organisational skills.
First; we missed the bus.
Second; sitting at the bus stop I managed to lean on my glasses and pop one of the lenses out.
Third; I found the screw and pulled out my little knife/tool thingo to put it back in but just as I went to insert the tiniest screw on earth I slipped and lost it in the dirt on the side of the road. Several minutes of Guy and I scratching about like chickens, me with the lens squinched in my eye like a monocle, produced nothing even when we enlisted the aid of a girl at the bus stop (who picked my accent as aussie, well happy with that as I've been told I'm losing it)
Fourth; realise about two minutes after getting on the bus that we left the cushion covers for the couch at the office.
Fifth; get a call from Guy whilst sitting in the Optometrist waiting to have my glasses fixed informing me that he thinks he has left the key to the cafe in the office in Haddenham.
Sixth; Optometrist informs me that my glasses are buggered as the screw was not loose but rather there is a crack in the frame. He managed to fix it so that it will stay for a bit but if it goes again its stuffed.
Seventh; get to cafe and find Guy standing outside talking to Charlie. Briefly consider taking her and Guy down the pub and sitting out in the beer garden for the rest of the afternoon, rehearse my explanation to Wendy and Mal when they ask why Charlies irate parents are calling them about the youth workers who took their daughter to the pub and dismiss this course of action despite the temptation to do it for the sheer comedy value.
Eighth; boost Guy over the fence when we realise that we don't need a key once we're past the spiked gate, just the security code to the door. Once inside realise that in order to set anything up we need the key to the cupboard which we don't have and that the cushion covers for the sofa are also in the office in Haddenham. Decide to sit up top drinking tea, playing Hackey and chatting.
Ninth; Guy decides to teach us to sing. Charlie, it turns out, can sing like a nightingale. I, on the other hand, can't. The singing lessons get better and better as we go and end up replacing all the words to This Little Light of Mine with "moo". Guy informs us both that we both can sing very well despite our protests to the contrary.
Tenth; Charlie leaves and Guy looks at me with and says "Do you want the good news or the bad news?" Same thing he asked me when he called me in the optometrist. Bad news first. He pulls out the cafe keys and informs me he found them in his pocket about halfway through our singing lesson but didn't have the heart to tell me, and besides our singing lesson was going so well.
We had an entertaining chat, that involved a v comic discussion of the "take Charlie to the pub idea" (which incidently had crossed his mind as well) and the ensuing explanation, in his version Charlie had had twelve triple vodkas and was in hospital having her stomach pumped whilst we explained who we were, where we were from, and who precisely was responsible for our actions to Charlies parents. Before we parted for the day and headed for home thanking God that he works through our weakness and not through our organisational skills.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Freezing
Every time you think England is about to return to it's beautiful sunny state of summerness; it crushes your hopes with an ice cold fist. Snow. Thats right. And not even the nice stuff. The horrible sleety, flipping cold nasty stuff. I was well enough to head in to work today, after a slow start, which meant I ran into Dave whose come back to fix the ceiling and the bathroom. (He was fixing the bathroom upstairs a couple of weeks back when we heard something crack, someone swear, and then water started to come (read: pour) through the kitchen ceiling) Dave's a great bloke and so I stopped for a chat with him and Barbara over breakfast, the highlight of said chat was when Barbara said "Dave'll be fixing the bathroom upstairs from tomorow morning, so you better be in and out of the shower nice and early" brain still waking up at half ten struggled to compute exactly what she meant (still working on present tense I was like: I already had a shower, what're you talking about) Barbara turns to Dave "What time do you start?" (Daves MILES ahead of me on this one) "Oh, about quater to six" brain suddenly catches up, head jerks back in surprise "You What?!?" Barbara and Dave collapse in laughter, brain makes up the final few inches and realises I've been had.
Caught the train to Risboro and spent half the day shifting another mountain of junk out of the other half of the shop this time, the other half the day I spent making an invite for the Youth Forum we're hosting on Monday nite. I whipped up a brilliant one in about five minutes and shewed it to Geoff and Tim. Tim turned around and said he liked it but shouldn't we use the A2 logo rather than the CCF one? Conceding the point I got him to email it to me and replaced the CCF logo. And then the problem hit. Whilst the church logo is a quite nice picture of a red kite in a colour that perfectly matched the colour scheme I'd picked off of Publisher, the A2 logo did not. In fact the A2 logo is a garish royal blue on white. After fiddling unhappily with Publishers colour schemes I eventually gave in and went with the duotone of the A2 logo and produced an exceedingly dull invitation that a three year old could have put together. I have decided two things. One: I cannot wait to get my new mac laptop and have access to some brilliant graphic design technology all in a compact, stylishly simple, light weight package that is the MacBook (or the iBook, depending on how much money I end up deciding to fork out for this thing). Two: if I ever start a church I am going to maintain enough of a level of authority over things to ban anyone from ever using royal blue and white and any other stupid, tasteless, uncool design concepts that will utterly destroy our credibility and any hope of maintaining coolness with present youth trends. Now, youth trends in general seem to be a bit extreme (and some of them are just plain stupid) and so attempting to match them does not make you cool; it makes you a try hard. However, maintaining some sort of standard of style and taste will raise your estimation with young people. Even if they wouldn't wear or choose anything the same, they will still see the coolness present in being integral to your own identity without caving to tack or imitation.
The final moment from today that I feel is noteworthy enough to keep me awake any longer came after dinner tonite. In the kitchen (seems to be the place for comedy at the moment) we were clearing the dishes and chatting generally. I turned to Andy, whose just come home from uni for easter and turns 21 on Sunday, and asked him a question about Monday nite (I'd got an email from him about a nite out in Aylesbury with a bunch of his uni mates -not as rowdy as it sounds, they're from Cambridge- that said he was going out with whoever could make it, about 30 people on the list, and anyone who wanted could crash at his [parents] after) As we discussed this it caught his parents interest "What's this then?" and it dawned on me that they didn't know anything about it, and I sat there cracking up as it dawned on them exactly what we must be talking about. Andy didn't say anything but he was trying hard to a. not laugh and b. avoid eye contact with his parents. Classic!!
Caught the train to Risboro and spent half the day shifting another mountain of junk out of the other half of the shop this time, the other half the day I spent making an invite for the Youth Forum we're hosting on Monday nite. I whipped up a brilliant one in about five minutes and shewed it to Geoff and Tim. Tim turned around and said he liked it but shouldn't we use the A2 logo rather than the CCF one? Conceding the point I got him to email it to me and replaced the CCF logo. And then the problem hit. Whilst the church logo is a quite nice picture of a red kite in a colour that perfectly matched the colour scheme I'd picked off of Publisher, the A2 logo did not. In fact the A2 logo is a garish royal blue on white. After fiddling unhappily with Publishers colour schemes I eventually gave in and went with the duotone of the A2 logo and produced an exceedingly dull invitation that a three year old could have put together. I have decided two things. One: I cannot wait to get my new mac laptop and have access to some brilliant graphic design technology all in a compact, stylishly simple, light weight package that is the MacBook (or the iBook, depending on how much money I end up deciding to fork out for this thing). Two: if I ever start a church I am going to maintain enough of a level of authority over things to ban anyone from ever using royal blue and white and any other stupid, tasteless, uncool design concepts that will utterly destroy our credibility and any hope of maintaining coolness with present youth trends. Now, youth trends in general seem to be a bit extreme (and some of them are just plain stupid) and so attempting to match them does not make you cool; it makes you a try hard. However, maintaining some sort of standard of style and taste will raise your estimation with young people. Even if they wouldn't wear or choose anything the same, they will still see the coolness present in being integral to your own identity without caving to tack or imitation.
The final moment from today that I feel is noteworthy enough to keep me awake any longer came after dinner tonite. In the kitchen (seems to be the place for comedy at the moment) we were clearing the dishes and chatting generally. I turned to Andy, whose just come home from uni for easter and turns 21 on Sunday, and asked him a question about Monday nite (I'd got an email from him about a nite out in Aylesbury with a bunch of his uni mates -not as rowdy as it sounds, they're from Cambridge- that said he was going out with whoever could make it, about 30 people on the list, and anyone who wanted could crash at his [parents] after) As we discussed this it caught his parents interest "What's this then?" and it dawned on me that they didn't know anything about it, and I sat there cracking up as it dawned on them exactly what we must be talking about. Andy didn't say anything but he was trying hard to a. not laugh and b. avoid eye contact with his parents. Classic!!
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Things that should be THOUGHT and NOT SAID
Had a few funny moments in the last few days, largely involving things that should be thought but not voiced aloud. I have quite a history of voicing these things at the worst possible moment [like the time I asked "what do you call a black man flying a plane?" with a black lady standing behind me. the answer happens to be "a pilot, you racist" and so is not in fact a racist joke, however it was not good timing] but have come through the last few days unscathed by the backlash of offended fun sherrifs and full of mirth at my own one liners.
Some of the best ones are just lines that come out really really badly or make you sound really really dumb. For instance:
(Playing a game with a friend who has become distracted for some time now) "I feel like I'm playing with myself"
(During a discussion about a floating house and places we should visit) "We can go to Croatia!! I have some friends with a flat we can stay in there"
(At a cell group) "So do you think God would have been scared in that situation?"
And then there's the harsh thoughts that pop into your head and hopefully dont make it to your tongue. We'll leave those untyped as well as unsaid, altho some of them were pure gold. Have had a couple of funny skype chats with people who were in the same room as me trading secret banter about what else was going on in the meeting or discussion!! Some good comedy this week in the posse house!!
Some of the best ones are just lines that come out really really badly or make you sound really really dumb. For instance:
(Playing a game with a friend who has become distracted for some time now) "I feel like I'm playing with myself"
(During a discussion about a floating house and places we should visit) "We can go to Croatia!! I have some friends with a flat we can stay in there"
(At a cell group) "So do you think God would have been scared in that situation?"
And then there's the harsh thoughts that pop into your head and hopefully dont make it to your tongue. We'll leave those untyped as well as unsaid, altho some of them were pure gold. Have had a couple of funny skype chats with people who were in the same room as me trading secret banter about what else was going on in the meeting or discussion!! Some good comedy this week in the posse house!!
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Could have been worse...
I called Mum this morning to wish her happy birthday. Jordan answered my skype and went and fetched Mum for me. "Happy Birthday!!" silence on the other end... "Mum?" "Yes" "Happy Birthday!!" silence... "Are you drunk?"
And it hit me. Mums birthday would be March 8th. Today would be February 21st. Not her birthday. And then the explanation dawned on me, Mum had left a comment on the blog about her birthday, shortly after this Rob had mentioned that Barbara's birthday was Wednesday, and somehow the two pieces of information had melded together in my mind so much so that I had actually informed Barbara that she shared her birthday with my mother (I must go and un-inform her of this) and written in my PDA* that it was both of their birthdays (that really should have given the game away as it required me to find the date)
My only defence is that I got very little sleep last nite (and it was not my fault) after a very full day. Anyway, like I said, it could have been worse, Dad forgot Mums birthday last year, fortunately he remembered to blog about forgetting it and gave me the heads up to give her a ring and cash in on the free brownie points for remembering (something I have just destroyed as Mum is one of my 3 readers- thats right, numbers are on the up!! -but its a great story so it had to be done)
Mum also mentioned she had some Christmas presents she hadnt sent me. I'll expect them inside 2 weeks thanks.
In other news, I've forgotten what I was going to say there... o rite, I remember!! I am becoming a Solataire Grand Master thanks to my PDA, altho I'm not sure i should be proud of this. Anyhow, Im outta here, see you on the dark side!!
*(Personal Digital Assistant, Mum)
And it hit me. Mums birthday would be March 8th. Today would be February 21st. Not her birthday. And then the explanation dawned on me, Mum had left a comment on the blog about her birthday, shortly after this Rob had mentioned that Barbara's birthday was Wednesday, and somehow the two pieces of information had melded together in my mind so much so that I had actually informed Barbara that she shared her birthday with my mother (I must go and un-inform her of this) and written in my PDA* that it was both of their birthdays (that really should have given the game away as it required me to find the date)
My only defence is that I got very little sleep last nite (and it was not my fault) after a very full day. Anyway, like I said, it could have been worse, Dad forgot Mums birthday last year, fortunately he remembered to blog about forgetting it and gave me the heads up to give her a ring and cash in on the free brownie points for remembering (something I have just destroyed as Mum is one of my 3 readers- thats right, numbers are on the up!! -but its a great story so it had to be done)
Mum also mentioned she had some Christmas presents she hadnt sent me. I'll expect them inside 2 weeks thanks.
In other news, I've forgotten what I was going to say there... o rite, I remember!! I am becoming a Solataire Grand Master thanks to my PDA, altho I'm not sure i should be proud of this. Anyhow, Im outta here, see you on the dark side!!
*(Personal Digital Assistant, Mum)
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Dinner for One
This is a great sketch that apparently is a great German tradition to watch on Sylvester (new years eve). Now, I've seen a video of the German new years for the new millenium where they burned a giant wooden, ummm, artwork I guess you'd call it, and just sat there watching it burn... I totally didn't get it. Apparently it didn't symbolise anything, just for the sake of it. My dad and sister both got it and said "you either get it or you don't" which didn't really help me "get it". So, having one example of German tradition that seems just totally bizarre, this rates well down the other end as a quality waste of time. If you have ten minutes enjoy the sketch!!
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