Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Singapore part 2

As promised; the continuing tales from Singapore Airport

The Case of the Coy Koi

One of Singapore airports best features is its gardens and ponds which are really nice places to go and sit in a jet lagged stupor in between your flights to more important places. On arrival I set out in search of the Koi Pond I visited last time to try my hand at spear fishing and then smuggling (coz I figured singapores not likely to have harsh judicial penalties for anything like that so I'm fairly safe plus I always wanted a giant goldfish) and on top of that there was, as I recall, a really nice coffee shop with internet access right next to it. However, upon arrival at the pond (via terminal 1 twice and terminal 2 thrice and an hour or so trying to figure out where the hell anything was) I discovered THERE WERE NO BLOODY FISH IN THE POND!! that or they were all hiding under the deck, a quick dip would have revealed this but as I had newly begun my career as master thief and smuggler extraordinare I felt it wiser to keep a low profile (this would later prove to be a VERY good move) And so instead I set off in search of the other Koi pond and found that it was remarkably close by. Once I had arrived there I found myself in competition with a small Asian girl who clearly had the same idea as me and was cleverly disguising her attempts to capture a Koi(giant gold fish if i failed to mention exactly what they are) by pretending to pose for a photograph. Seeing straight through this feeble illusion I immediately took advantage of the situation and pushed her into the pond and used the ensuing chaos as cover while I snagged my own giant gold fish (who I have named Neemo) whilst the authorities were busy dragging off my unworthy competition for interrogation.

The Great Sky Train Race
As every bloke knows- any piece of data that could ever possibly be taken as a challenge or turned into a competition, should be. And so, when I saw this sign:

That told me it took 10 minutes to walk 500 metres the challenge was on!! (I did take the oddly named sky train out of interest and discovered, among other things, that it mostly ran under ground) Seeing as it doesn't take me 10 minmutes to drive the 15 or so kilometres between the Po and Cressy there was a snow balls chance in hell that I was gona lose this challenge. So I set my stop watch, glanced quickly at the clock so that I would have two references to double check off, and set off at a brisk walk -I wasnt worried but there's no need to push your luck either eh- and headed onto the travellator (this I did not consider cheating as I'm sure the estimated time took into account the use of the travelator) passing several people and making good time. I had discovered previously that for the sake of speed the best way to negotiate the gap between travelators is to tip your trolley back just before you hit the bump and then get one last push off the moving side walk leaning forward over the top of your trolley and using it as a kart of sorts to glide across the 4 metre gap (this prevents you feeling the disheartening loss of speed as you step off the travelator and is considered by most experts in the matter to be more fun) as I got off the third of the travellators, excuting a sneaky overtake of an entire family in the gap, I found myself suddenly stuck behind a small Japanese family- that is to say there were about 7 of them but they were all rather short -and to my dismay the width of the travellator had suddenly halved making over taking nigh on impossible!! Not to be beaten by this turn of fortune I readied myself to make a sudden push and either gather the Japanese family on top of my trolley or crush them beneath me as I passed. Just as I was about to execute this move my spider sense tingled and I looked about in search of the danger. Going the opposite direction on the travellator were 3 Singapore soldiers carrying machine guns!! Quickly revising my plan of attack I dropped my head and coughed in case they were searching for the missing Koi and kept a decidedly lower profile through the rest of the race. Deciding in my infinite mercy to spare the Japanese family (who I have decided to call the Yatsu-ami family from the Yoshi clan) I rode out the rest of the race at a slower pace but even then on arriving at the other Sky Train "station" the trip only took me 6 minutes, although that result was based on the airport clocks as I discovered my stopwatch ceases to function automatically when you close my fone so I was probably closer to 4 minutes... 5 at most...

There were two other minor incidents during my time in Singapore that should be noted; firstly I left my jumper with my trolley when I went upstairs to the roof top garden to get some "fresh" air. When I returned 10 minutes later I noticed it and did a nervous and thorough check to make sure it had not picked up anything that did not belong to me and that could help my neck find its way into a noose (while I proudly bear the nickname "Trouble" this was not the sort I was looking for) having found nothing amiss with my jumper I breathed a sigh of relief and moved on. Secondly, after spending a good 5 hours in the airport I headed for my boarding gate to depart but en route I was stopped by three airport police people (the one questioning me was a woman, hence the unusual P/Cness) and there was a tense moment as she looked over my passport and boarding pass without explanation of why I had been stopped. She then asked me how old I was, cutting in before I could answer with "27, right?" fortunately I was thinking clearly and managed to recall the fact that I was/am 19 and corrected her. I like to think (now that I am safely far the hell away from Singapore) that she was trying to trick me, probably in search of a famous Koi smuggler who must be at least 27 based on his skill and reputation, and that I outsmarted her with the plain and simple truth... yeah... I know... I'm good.

That's it for now!! Stay tuned for the next exciting episode...


Peter said...

You have excelled with this post Zac, even photos, so one of them was side-on making viewing an interesting exercise,
Bravo Koi smuggler.

I used the audible numbers not WV which was
"orgssm", too close for comfort.

Jacqui said...

you are your father's son, there is no doubt about that, I think this exploit was as good as a lot of his.
love you, nan

Marcus said...

Great story Zac although I don't believe a word of it. You've been hanging around Alex, too much sanguine influence!!

Good job on the pictures.

Keep em coming.

Pop: too much information!