Inadequate

I stepped up today, and I found myself completely and utterly inadequate. I stepped back down, my gut wrenching, and turned away in shame. I want to be so much more than I am. I want to take the opportunities that come along. I want to be worthy of the opportunities that come along. Tonite, I fear I was not. Now I am sad. Sad that I failed. Sad that I couldn't help. Sad that someone should even be in pain in the first instance.
That is all.

Numb

I woke up early this morning with my right arm uncomfortably numb, not an unheard of phenomenon but this morning was a little different. I sat up to shake some blood back into it and found it hanging limp at my side. I tried to lift it but it just hung there. Slightly confused and still half asleep I picked it up with my left hand and dropped it in my lap. Still limp. Not good. My mind was beginning to wake up at this point and an edge of fear was creeping in as I was getting zippo response from my right arm. I stood up and managed to move my hand, flexed my fingers a few times and began to slowly regain the use of my arm. A couple of minutes later the numbness was fading and my arm appeared to be back to normal. The edge of fear was still there as I thought about what it must be like to be paralysed. To not be able to move you limbs despite all effort. To sit there, helpless. And all of a sudden I can empathise just a little. This afternoon I am going to visit a young guy who was paralysed a couple of years ago. I've not met him before but have been told he is a remarkable person and that I will get at least as much out of the visit as he will. I go with a new perspective; just ever so slightly knowing the tiniest smidge of what his life must be like.