It Could Only Ever Happen To Me

I have a long history of misadventure and an uncanny ability to take a normal every-day situation and turn it into a source of pain and/or frustration for myself. For instance, today, walking down to the field to kick the football around I (mis)kick it into the gap between a low hedge and a tennis court fence. The hedge is to large to step over so I, in my infinite wisdom (I really do need one of those little voices in my head. Or perhaps a carer) decide to jump the hedge and slide down the wire-linked fence in order to retrieve the football and look really cool. Here's where things go wrong: I somehow pick the one spot along the whole fence that has a blunt stake sticking up right where I'm going to land. I tear a nice new hole in my converse, my sock, and my foot, which has the courtesy not to bleed everywhere but now is swollen and sore and burning away inside a pressure bandage. I am now limping and annoyed and grumpy and tired. Apparently these are common side effects of stupid injuries and despite a couple of hours at the pub to distract myself from everything I am still pretty sore.
One slight source of relief is Presidential Front Runner Dave Barry whose answers to questions affecting life in America are well worth a look! I especially enjoyed Q. Does anyone actually believe that soy cheese tastes good, let alone like real cheese? A. we need to find out who the hell is growing and selling this "soy" and we need to SHUT THEM DOWN.